You Never Get It

What i want and what i dont want? What is the Different between love and like? wat is the action of boy friend?? Who knows?? Who know???
I want u always be with me..I'm thinking friend is more important than gal friend..If it always happen, i'm think be a normal better than everything better than become boy and gal friend!Guy always said:"You are most important in my life.Without you i will die~and You're important than everything."huhu...I know u very rich! I love u not because your money.I love u because i want stay with u...Give me hapiness..Spend the time...Wat new year gift..wat christmas gift?? wat birthday gift???Ok..On the other side, if i'm ur bf...I can buy everythings for u but i always spend the time with friend..Izzit it called sayang???I'm not the 3 years old kid...i know u sayang me...I oso know friend very important too..but sayang is an action cannot combine with present something..It is different things!!!!!Wat suprise?wat Secret???Make sure u make me happy always..Tat is the great present!!!When i start couple with u, i always sad...U always spend the time with ur friendz..Go Qiant..Cyber cafe...Mcd..KFC..Cinema...!!And the most i hate is dont check my called list!!! I dont like...That is my freedom...I jus be with friend with my ex...no others! I'm ur gal friend...Oni yours..No others! You done everything for me because of u scare me run away from u..hm....continue the story by urself!!!!!Haiz...

(Further education)

Hai..Today is Sunday...I'm looking at the sky..It told me :"Gal, bad weather coming soon.You must take care urself.When you want go out for working remember bring through ur umbrella or jacket..Hmm, take care ya.."Just after a moment,it was a cool,cold,boring,heavily raining.The raindrops look grim and the raindrops hiting on their face who was walking ,cycling,or riding .For all the teenagers may be they were playing football while raining heavily.They all look so enjoy espesially my classmates.And for adults they was missing the family so much and wishing that they can returned home quickly.There was a different feeling between adults and teenagers.
Ging rong..thunder storm....Xin Yee and me stayed in shop and look outside...We both were cowards...hehe!!!I'm thinking of dad mum and prayed for my grandparents helped me...protected me...I'm so scared.Suddenly....thinking thinking and thinking...I'm thinking of something and i'm chatting with my friend called Xin Yee...we talked bout further education.For Xin Yee family,they can supply hers to get further education oversea without scholarship...For me,my family can oso supply to get highest aducation too...Maybe i cant get further education!!!I was thinking of if dad n mum spend the money for me n i failed in the examination.HOw????Dissapointed???I still remember 6 Jan 2008..My uncle asked me...Jess,what is ur ambition??I said:"DOCTOR."My dad shocked.Dad said:"Then, I must save RM10 per day lo..hehe."I'm not dissapointed because of if my brother study hard since they were studied in secondarly school,they wont get a bad future de....Now,my dad was spending money for my 2nd bro(Dennis).It used for study...for my 2nd bro...He is the most clever between my family member include me...(just kindergarden la)I dunno why he bcum lazy while he started his primary school life...After years,his result bad>worse>worst!!People said...man not stupid just because of lazy!!!I'm thinking maybe it caused by my elder bro...My elder bro(Brian)...He oso not the stupid guy...U know..Mum told me..Brian very clever too...he can speak well and fluencly when he was between year4-7.It was so Great!!!!I oso dunno why he will lazy to study too!Turns me...I'm the most lazy when i'm study in kindergarden.BUt i can get high marks then other student who is older than me one year..really.I still remember teacher called me joined highest class. Highest class(year 6 class)..felt alone there because i studied in lower class de...suddenly teacher called me joined highest class...Hate it!So so so alone there la! I seldom did my homework..when i returned school i found tat how came my homowork had done????Hehe...because of my mum!Hehe!See how lazy am i???Hehe...Now...my siblings...all terbalik...they wanted to spend money on study without scholarship.When they finish study how come my dad spend for me???Mum always told me...Gal u must study hard, they dun hv enough money to supply me on study.Tat why i so stress when i'm on study.I'm look so stress and concentrate on training .I want to get scholarship to supply me on study...Abu said if i want to get supply..i need to get 5A in PMR..Otherwise, i oso need to continue become an athelete!HUhu...What can i do now????HOw bout my dream will come true????So so so hard!!!!My parents sayang more than 2 brothers...I dun want make them dissapointed(Eyes brimming with tears).I love my family...they all give me a warm and sweetest family!Although i always said elder bro not gud but in my heart they all always be my bro my parents..Blood thicker than water!!!I believe myself and i want to save my money...when i finished my study(Form 5), my own acc must get(RM2500) and above.and my other acc must get(Rm5000)and above!

The Day Without Mood

Today is the 3rd days of Hari Deepavali...My bb told me that he was very unhappy = NO MOOD.So, i sent him a message: "I chat with u at 12am."Izzit u wan to know the time between 10.30 and 12am how i spend it...Allright, suddenly i check my cupboard and feedback who sent me letter ,wishes card,birthday card, presents and others.I just pick up the birthday card and check..I found tat...a birthday card from my ex-boy friend(Toax).Although the format of the card not nice but when i face to the page 2 of the card..the card was releasing a birthday song with a red shine light.The 3rd page of the card write on :
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you, (*sing together with me)
Happy Birthday to Jessica,
Happy Birthday to you.
Below the song:
(A big birthday cake)

Continously, I found a present beside me...It was a big bottle wishes.It contains 20 bottles of wishes:(the 20 reasons i love u)

1st:I want to hold ur hand and see the sunset together...
2nd: Because of i want to share my hardness...
3rd: Because of i want to know u all...
4th: because of my ordinary so i love ur normal...
5th: Because of u i find all the hapiness...
6th: Because of i want send u return home when the night was late...
7th: Because of you will share all my jokking ..
8th: Because i hope when i wake up in the morning u are my 1st think of u...
9th: Because of i want listen ur voice everyday...
10th: Because of the love story want we both to be the leading character...
11th: Because of ur big shine eyes...
12th: Because of god want we both to be the lover...
13th: Because of ur kindness...
14th: Because of i believe in u will becum a good daughter-in-law.
15th: Because of oni u know me in the world...
16th: Because of last lifetime i owe u...
17th: Because of u make my heart beatinf faster than normal...
18th: Because of u are my most care darling...
19th: Because of u i full of hopefulness...
20th: Because of u will forgive me when i had done wrongly...

Chat with ghost~

Today is new year of Indian called Hari Deepavali.Wa...a bit happy a bit boring a bit sleepy a bit tired and a bit crazy...How come???I wake up 3 times in midnight...(2am~4am and 7.52am)Maybe,i'm too worried bout something..That is(GHOST).Wah, so scared ler...Then what can i do??I use my traditional method..That is used my blanket cover all part of my body include my HEAD!! I scared the ghost looked in front of me..A pale face , a single eye, a bleeding mouth and eye...And figures ghosts i more scare...HUHU~Mau pergi kencing pun tak berani..u know????Between me ,jingwen and Siny..I'm the most scared bout ghost...Anyways,i'm the youngest between them ma...
Eeee, i dunno what can i say wor...Next posts la....Kaka...Although bb beside i oso scare la not because of i didnt belived u .. because of later u jadi ghost how???I cant to escape..Something want to happen u cant to control ma..Rite..???My bb so cute la...Adui~~BB, i so boring today la..I'm sure later i oso cant to sleep la..So scare ler...

A night sky

Someone said:"If u hv a bad day, please look upward to the sky."Today, i think twice..want or dun wan , continue or stop?..I'm really confused.A night sky give me non-respond.. jus hv a litlle twinkle star..twinkle twinkle! Suddenly,my mind thinking about a nice song who listen it since young(baby stage)..

Twinkle, Twinkle, little star,
How i wonder what u are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How i wonder what you are.

Suddenly, my phone received a message:"All player who sitting in un20 tournament ,tomorrow will start training."I think and confused~i look moody when i'm think all the problem what had happened between the team cause not things make me hapi before jus one thing "know to each other from other state of player.." Allright, for me..maybe is a valueable changes..a memory what i perform in a great tournament..hapi..sad..pain and others!!!Stop thinking bout this...i think i should stop ady..wat i wan to stop?( Volleyball)
After an hour and 30 mins, my friend ask me ..Jessica i wan find a job, we work together , can ar? I said:" in KL?''..she said:'' NO, in Triang."So hapi, finally got people accompany me ady...then,i thought back, jus now sir noticed us must start training tomorrow...So, i jus picked up my phone and send a message to my sir..U want to know what i had sent? Rite, a message will make my team dissapointed.."Sir, can i reject the tournament?"after a minute..Sir said:"whatever la." I thought, this is the time to let me cool down and relax my mind....maybe will continue next year or will stop next year..I'm over training ady!!I'm not BJ player...I cant to forward training everyday b'cause of we still a full time student!!Compare with BJ student~BJ player jus study 4-5 hours...another time use for training! for me??Sorry...I cant!!!I got a lot of thing to do...In school, i'm not a vb player ..i oso an althelte.Compare with sir and sir~ Who more sayang me??Anyways, i think athetle sir more care of me...he gv me a chance to memohon sport schoclarship..A year RM500 other extra..per month RM 150...How cum???Izzit i must more focus track perform???Yes, i do...But i hvt start my training programme yet!!!will star next year or after next year...Who treat me as good as he/she daughter/son???Yes, athelete sir...who respect me?Yes, athelete sir???Who make me famous???Yes, athelete sir...Nowadys,all my teachers in my school know who is JESSICA!!(feel glad)..Because of who??Yes, athelet sir???All the exp..find out who more care of me???Who i need to respect...Yes,Athelte sir(Mr.ABu)..Although, Abu's daughter is my enemy who fight the metal gold with me...This year,Abu knows me as he "anak buah"...so bahagia, u know???
My mind..thinking thinking and thinking!!Izzit the time prepare for SPM? Izzit the time create a good new way for future???Yes!!!This is the time.... 3E is preaparing to who want to be a good businessman...that is...
Efisien>>>to do something more accurately...
Education>>>good knowledge...
Enconomy>>>If someone no money but he had a good education it make troublesome to everyone who wan start their business or company...
SO, 3E is very important for future!!!That why i wan to earn money and save money now.A secondarly school life nearly finish....Although, my parents can support me to continue my school life, if i cant get a good result?How???Izzit make my parents dissapointed???My parents wan to pay for electrical loan, car loan(3 cars),shop loan(2 shops) and collage fee(for my brther)..Then, if i can help by myself sure i wont call dad n mum pay for me...although the money is no to more to support my future...Anyways la..lama-lama jadi bukit lo..So..that is my plan...Plan for future..
after that..the time is 11.03pm ady.. i go n take shower then wait for my bb calling me ...lo...haha...Learn to enjoy and relax my mind..when spend together with my bb..

Life

Hmm,see life is moving on.Something hapiness change ady change to sadness!!!Why??Isnt our own problem ,think negetively or your stingy???For me, I want peaceful coexistence, friendly agreeable.Grandparents always said "Good-naturedness leads to propitiousness".BUt i taught..Am i sitting in a family like this?Have them give me a peaceful, hapiness ,harmony family?I'm very confused!!!I think that i have a family who give me to stay and survive oni...That why i dun like stay at home...that why i want joined many activities about sport.Sometimes i want to shout at them but i'm not dare!!I want to dissolve but i dunno how to make them tardy in the saliva's war!!!My parents very excessive, how come i can stop them...If i stopped them i', make sure i die 1st lo...One thing i can do it >>>"Eyes brimming with tears".Start from MOnday until today,my eyelids still twitches u know?? I dunno wat will happen or something will suddenly happen in my life..I think it is a more series case for me..I eyelids never twitches like this...Yesterday,Dad's friend return from Kelantan...then dad go out with them without ask my mum when(after dinner)..then my mum so so so stingy then she ask me stayed at home and she wanted go out fought my dad..On purpose to avoid my parent fight up, i quickly called my dad and asked him wat had happened..After 5 mins, my dad return home..then he sat on the sofa said nothing just waited my mum came back.Nearly 13 mins,my mum came back,my mum said nothing then she suddenly asked me:"Isnt u called ur dad came back?"I said no!!! Not i wanted to cheat each other because i want peace...The second day(today),my mum said her hand so so so pain..then she asked me to accompany hers to go to see an acupuncturist.I said wait for me .. i want take a shower 1st..then when i was bathing my mum phone my dad, she said:"I want go to MEntakab see an acupuncturist and get an acupuncture treatment".after that my mum called me help hers to cheat my dad about went to Mentakab.then i said yes..Actually i dun wan to help my mum because not my dad's wrong..I know my mum jealous...My mum hate my dad's friend...I know my mum stingy...I know my mum very hard to convince . In one's turn, my mum told me ,when ur dad asked u then u help me to cheat ur dad and said the acupuncturist not at Mentakab so we returned traing...I said:" I dunno u all, i just study in library,i dunno wat had happened"..NOw,my parents still "senyap sangat"..wat can i do???Are them disturb me to study???Truthly, they really disturb me to study!!!I no mood ady...So sad...SOB SOB SOB!!!!!

Should be or not should be

I "realised" my friends happened sex with other guys.."many guys"!If i'm tat gal, i will malu..i malukan my family and if i happened sex with other guys mean i didnt respect myself!! A gal do not how to prevent one's purity>>without self-respect!For me, i will called them "DIRTY GAL"If they not my friends i will called like tat!!!If u had happened sex with other guys...u will felt sorry to ur husband b'cause he not the 1st to get it!Why parent spend thier money for us? Why? One reason..they hope we can get a flying colour result , having a good education, have a good future and make a model for their next generation!!For me, i'm very glad to have my dad n mom n my two brothers! Although i dun hv free time to accoppany them but they always phone me when i'm sitting in a great training or having a tournament!Thay take care of me every time anywhere!!Everything i can do it , i will do it!Something cannot do, i wont! "I" respect them!!! I LOVE YOU ALL..MY FAMILY

Better in time

It's been the longest winter without U I didn't know where 2 turn 2 See somehow I can't forget U After all that we've been through Going coming thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realise that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings If I'm dreaming don't wanna let hurt my feellings but that's the path I believe in And I know that time will heal it If you didn't notive boy you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok Since there's no more you and me It's time I let U go So I can be free And live my life how it should be

take it "EASY"...

Wow!PMR exam is around the corner..I'm waiting for PMR coming soon!But my school still got a lot of homework to do..very busy and tired ler~Especially: stupid assigment! Better i do revision...Bluek!Ai yo yo~you know my friend ask me who is k-7? Actually i dont want to let my friend know..b'cause of something la..I'm not jaelous..SERIOUSLY!I just dont want my stupid friend catch away my friend"k-7".I wont introduced k-7 to hers.I knoe hers is a bad gal..She got paktor with many guys now..in the same time she got paktor with 4 guys..really.I dont want Ai ying hurt k-7 if i introdused k-7 to hers.Anyways i dont like her style la..make me "muntah" and very dirty one!!!I dunno wat can i do ler...!!!however, i will not introduse k-7 to Ai YIng la..I will not make k-7 in trouble la...I want him happy..and i want to accompany him!!!I dunno am i miss him so much or i fall in love???Seriously..i very confuse.I want study 1st so i dun want paktor 1st..I believe if i paktor my result will very bad de...and easy to break up...Confuse ler...BUt i still want study 1st la...Me and k-7 ..be a friend 1st ....So happy la..he give me hapiness ler..make me laugh...teach me english etc...So good la k-7!!Thank u~~

I'm stupid...

I'm stupid ... I'm stupid...I'm the "STUPID GAL".Dont asked me why!!!!I hate that feeling ..Why i shared that people..why tat people dnt want shared with me??? Ok, u said..you dont want people see u cry.. ok .. fine!!!but i really want shared with u...B'cause something unhappy things occured in our life we must learn how to straighten out and find the ways to forget it...Then ur life will relaxed a bit...U said u want to make me happy always.But u ????Please dont unfair, try to make urself happy and share ur happiness with ur friends...Why u cant do that??I want u happy , i dont want to force u...NOn matter i force u...I just want see all my friends happy always too...Ok la...!!!I want u to knoe..how i care about u and worry about u ...Try to forget something unhappy had occuered in ur life...I really try to forget ady...May be i'm not serious "paktor"with my ex-boy .BUt i know how he careed about me...I cant to forget that he treat me so good..really!!!BUt now i really try to forget it ady...Remember sad things for what????Better forward our happy days...Enjoy with friends..joke with friends!!I really hope u can happy always...I want to share all my feeling with u because" i trust u"...I trust u can give me happy...I dont want to make u cry...Try to forget it ..."If" i'm not ur friend..i will not force u to forget it...U know???Tat unhappy things always around u.. U looked breatheless, u know??? "Kesavan"..Try to forget ya..!GAMBATEH~I'm not scold u ...remember ya...

My Ideal Profession( when i FROM 1)

Since I had been visiting a wardmate in hospital , i can see out many people in needed.Some of them no ability to pay medical expenses or some of them got unknown symptoms.Such as Aids , Sars , Cancer of the womb , breast cancer or another case.
Some of the patients to be about to die on an illness but doctor cannot paid attention for the patient's condition.It cause someone lost thier life in world.
So,that helpless sight..very pitiful!!! You know???So, my ambition is to be a doctor because doctor's situation is very important part in changing someone's condition and I feel that doctor would not abuse this power.Anyway, if I success to be a doctor , I should be unselfish and do everything in my power to aid a patient in recovery.
So..I shall study hard and score high marks in subject Science and Mathematic .Well, I hope i can score many A in SPM and continue my study life in International University o~

Shall i continue???

Blogging as my dairy!!! This week is "trial exam week"..Although i'm busying in study but i still can chit-chat with my friend,blogging, online, go out gai-gai.Bacause of relax and enjoy.Melbourne motto:" WORK HARD , PLAY HARD" Although very tired but i still want to online for a while everyday..Haha!!! I always ask myself ...isnt u very stubborn??? I'm also dunno.I just know wat i want to do...i will forward!!!Besides this ,i'm very*3 sad because of SPORT.Please stop talking about sport.Please dun make me sad again.I'm dunno how to translit through handphone.But i still can translit in blogging~I ask myself.."Am i unuse, am i stubborn ,am i jealous, am i too active?" Yes ,i'm.All Pahang people know i'm 1st spiker in my team or 2nd spiker in Pahang team.Why? My sir want to change my position?? If sir change my position , where can i stay?? Setter? Subsetter? I'm sure i cant to be Medium Because of my height.If i want to be choose an inner state player i must stay at spiker position!! I'm sure and comfirm every coach will berat sebelah .My sir want 2 medium n 2nd spiker to be choose an inner state player..I know, all Pahang people oso know.So ,Kuantan's people support me la..So ..if i cant to be choose an inner state player i will surrender and continue my track ..I believe i can continue to be inner state player .I give up basketball team because wat???Volleyball.U know .. i miss the "captain" chance.Cause when i 13 years old , i represent State to play Pahang open...All is uncle n aunty played it ..I'm the MOst youngest in whole PAhng open..I feel glad to hv this chance.After this year , my Basketball caoch said:"after this ,u may lead u team forward to un16 coming soon.BUt ,just oni after opening pahang , i stop play basketball ady...i make MIss Foo dissapionted...I scolded by SIR Tan n Miss Foo.MIss Foo said:" If u dun want go to un16 , i will not let u stayed in basketball team, i will kicked u out of the team."So , i no chance to reserve Basketball team b'cause i decided to join vb team ady.Start for tat day , i always missing my basketball life. Now, i saw all the basketball player in my school neary extinction.Am i selfish??? If i said: " I want returned basketball team , could i ?"I dunno ..very confused! I want to save baketball team but no time ady..after this year i must study hard. I'm sorry to u all~Like volleyball team, sorry i will make an excuse to exit .I dun like people berat sebelah.I hate this feeling. Pity u know? If no chance why u still want spend ur time on vb???Why???Should i continue??? BUt for a good life for study , i must happy and healthy everyday.But now ,volleyball still give me a "QUESTION". All pressure around me.Plaese let me go...VB team make me unhappy ,meaningless ,confuse too!!!Why i want live in a boring life like tis????

Am i "JEALOUS" ???

Rite, for me..maybe i will jealous something la!!!Like my ex-bf(Toax). One day, my friend(gal)called Li Yee,she break up with her boy friend (Jun Jie).She go n find my ex-bf..Then i start keep silent for one week...i dun want pick up the phone i dun want listen his voice any more...n dun want to read his message!!Am i jealous???May be tat gal dunno i'm Taox's gf or may be....!!!I just want him to accompany me anytime anywhere. Except vb tournament or badminton tournament , we no chance stay together.. u know???Everyday, we all must forward our own training. U training at night n i training in the evening.After u returned from ur training, i let u to rest 1st...i dun wan to disturb u ..I just want u spend ur free time to sms with me but u wont.When i'm busy i still accompany u ..when u sad i put down all my homework n accompany u until u sleep..Last time, i'm angry with u cause u dun pick up ur phone when i called u..U know..How many times i called u ...79times!!I cry bacause i worry about u...Or may be u treat me so good.. i dunno how to treat u back..U make me confused...I dunno wat can i do...SORRY TOAX.

13th July 2008:
Let us freedom a bit...
I say..Better we becomes friend..
I dun want "LOVE" anymore...
May be "U NOT SUITABLE FOR ME" i cant to say...
I dun want to hurt u anymore...
Then..
Toax try to say apologise to me ..
wat he had done...
He try to reverse "Love"...
After one week...
he say...
I will wait u until i surrender to chase u ...
I said..
If u really love me , u must wait....
May be time wait for no man...
After years ,may be i'm not ur gf or ...
But now..
I just wanna continue my study...
I want u study bacause ur family...
If u dont hv good background for ur future...
May be ur future full of meaningless..
I want u happy ....
I want u study...
PLs stop all the sport nw...
SPM is around the corner ady....
But u dun want listen ...
So better we break up...
But u still my friend....
I can accept u to change my sport wear with u...
B'cause of we are FRIEND...

Time+Action= No waste

Well..I'm just 15-year-old!! After 2 months is PMR exam week. "Blogging" is the one way to relax my mind and learn how to get our own experience. Such as :"Ca, do u hv bloging before? Isn't excited? Any unfrogetable experience? Or do u hv chat with any foreign before?" Well~that is why we want to learn! My teacher ,Serina Chow, she told us must study for life cause time wait for no man. Now she is "Leo President". She started fight for Leo when she was 30 years old . Now she is 32 years old .Do u Know how did she succeed? ONe way~! Workhard~ NOthing will make u fail as u as workhard...